Like a Child

I never tire of the mountains.  I want to be in them every day-rain, snow, sun-it doesn’t matter.  While we don’t own a mountain get-a-way, we only live one hour away, so we try to go as often as possible.  And the lack of organized activities this year has allowed for a bit more of that, I’m happy to say.  Our dear friends do own a cabin, however, and let us stay from time to time.  So, my boys and I snuck up there for a night to be in nature, escape wifi, and hike.  It was the first time we’d been there without either their grandparents or my husband, and it was fun but different.  Having no screens, my older son-who is a music freak-played the keyboard most of the night after a small attempt at board games.  I’ll admit, I was a little put out.  I wished someone else could have come and that my older son would happily play board games with us, but it didn’t happen that way.

 My 10 year-old, however, did not let that dampen his mood. You see, I am his most favorite person in the world.  So, he was more than content, elated really, that he could “play” charades with just me for the evening. This game consisted of him acting out an animal, object, or action and me guessing it. Basically, he was the immediate “winner”. The items were fairly easy, so I could usually guess correctly, but he didn’t seem to care.  At one point, he even said, “I must be pretty good at acting.”  As he was happily getting new cards and celebrating every time I guessed correctly, I wondered if this is what Jesus meant when he told the disciples “ . . . for to such belongs the kingdom of God . . . Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it .”(Mark 10: 14-15).  Children were not considered important in ancient cultures, but Jesus knew differently.  Children know the most about absolute faith and complete devotion, those traits needed in the commandment “Love the Lord your God with all of your heart sole, mind and strength” (Matthew 22;37).  That night,  I was focused on what wasn’t quite right, but he was happy about one thing-spending time with me, the love of his life (for these first 10 years at least). 

Aaah, the simplicity of a child’s outlook.  Wouldn’t it be wonderful if I could be satisfied or even “delighted” just to spend time with my father?  The one who knew me in the womb, created me, called me into relationship with him, and has and will provide me with all I need.  What if that was all I needed?  Well, the answer to that is that God is all I need.  But, I will admit that the admonition of Psalm 37 is a bit foreign to me right now.  Oh, it applies exactly to the unrest I am struggling with , the verses stating,

“Fret not yourself because of

evildoers; be not envious of wrongdoers! 

For they will soon fade like the

 grass and with like the green herb.

Trust in the Lord, and do good;

dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. 

Delight yourself in the Lord

 and he will give you the desires of your heart.” (Psalm 37: 1-4).

Right now, I am immediately convicted by these words, for I am concerned about many things right now.  I am angry that evil is celebrated, that I have no certainty about the year to come, that I am uncomfortable with so many circumstances around me, that I feel powerless.  And in this moment, I cannot make myself be immediately at peace.  I am not “delighting in the Lord” alone like my son delighted in spending time with me that night.  As a result, I don’t feel like I have the desires of my heart. 

So, what do I do?  The Psalm goes on to say,

                “Commit your way to the Lord;

                Trust in him, and he will act.

                He will bring for your

                Righteousness as the light and your justice as the noonday.

                Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;

                Fret not  . . .

                Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath!” (Psalm 37: 5-8).

Lord, forgive me for fretting, for not looking to you alone, for not delighting in you but in the worldly comforts I can’t have right now.  Please grant me the peace I can’t grant myself in these times.  Give me the heart of a child desiring only the presence of his perfect father.  Answer this prayer in my own heart,

                “Create in me a clean heart, O

                God

                And renew a right spirit within

Me” (Psalm 51:10).

In Jesus name, Amen.