I didn’t mean to; it was a reflex.  I just hadn’t seen her in a while, and before I knew it, I hugged her-in a grocery store!  I felt so bad.  What if I am sick and don’t know it?  What if she somehow gets COVID from that one thoughtless act? A few months ago, I saw two ladies greet each other in Walmart.  They instinctively went in for a hug and stopped short, looking around to see if anyone was watching.  They didn’t hug.  We are not supposed to.  Hugging has gone from a kind greeting, a comforting act to a hateful one.  Just like that. 

Now, I’ll admit, a germophobe is something I’ve never been, thus the reason I’ve chosen to spend my days in a place with 1500 teens, but I am concerned.  Yes, I am concerned about the growing COVID numbers around me, but I am also concerned that we are naively forbidding proximity, touch, and yes, hugs in an already tragically lonely world.  What will the last six months of reduced physical touch do to us, the already lonely, and our children?  And how do we recover from this lack of touch when we are being told that this reduced affection must continue for at least the next year, resulting in a permanent change in our habits?  The sad truth? We are already changed. 

In August, a study of the mental health effects of COVID and its related restrictions done in June which reported, “Elevated levels of adverse mental health conditions, substance use, and suicidal ideation were reported by adults in the United States in June 2020. The prevalence of symptoms of anxiety disorder was approximately three times those reported in the second quarter of 2019 (25.5% versus 8.1%), and prevalence of depressive disorder was approximately four times that reported in the second quarter of 2019 (24.3% versus 6.5%)  . . . and approximately one in 10 reported that they started or increased substance use because of COVID-19. Suicidal ideation was also elevated; approximately twice as many respondents reported serious consideration of suicide in the previous 30 days than did adults in the United States in 2018 . . .”(https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/69/wr/mm6932a1.htm).

With society in such a state with no end in sight, touch such as hugs may be more important than ever.  The following are some of the benefits of touch reported in this 2018 article by Medical News Today, https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/323143:

1.  Touch soothes children during times of distress.  A study from Sweden showed that hugging and patting children has a “soothing effect”. These acts of physical affection “allow the child in distress to regain a sense of security and reassurance” and may make counseling efforts more effective.
2. Touch improves general health.  Several areas of benefit are mentioned here such as lower blood pressure and heart rates as well as less severe reactions to infections and protection against respiratory illnesses.  Wow!  Maybe instead of reducing touch to protect from COVID, we should increase it.
3. Touch reduces pain.  The article reports, “The first study — which appeared in the journal Scientific Reports in 2017 — showed that if two partners touch and one of them experiences mild pain, the touch actually diminishes the sensation of pain.”  Just considering the number of patients and nursing home residents whose loved ones are banned from accompanying them during times of pain and distress is heartbreaking and may actually be causing more suffering as this report shows.   
4. Touch is a crucial part of any relationship.  In short, the article concludes, “So, offering a reassuring hug to a person who is in pain or feeling down can actually benefit both the receiver and the giver; both people involved in the interaction experience more positive emotions and feel more strongly connected to each other”.  Considering that meaningful relationships are now considered the number one factor in longevity, more than any physical component, going touchless could endanger more than it saves.

The restrictions placed on society because of COVID-19 are unprecedented. In additions to school closures and “mandates”, the message that any touch like hugging is now a hateful act, putting others at risk for infection-even death- is widespread.  So, we don’t hug.  My son did not hug his teachers on the last day of school, he does not get hugs from his Sunday school teachers or people from church, even hugs from his grandparents are greatly reduced.   The saddest part?  His best friend has always been a hugger.  He would hug him almost every day when they got to school, until March.  He hasn’t hugged him since.  How can this drastic change in behavior not affect us all, indefinitely?

The answer?  I honestly don’t have one.  All I know is we all need hugs more than ever before, and it isn’t happening.  Even parents are told to “stay away” from their children in their own homes in order to prevent infection.  What does 10 days of no contact with a parent do to an infant, a toddler, even an older child?  I know, they call this distancing of ourselves “loving”, but is it really?  This pandemic is not just physical but mental as well, and instead of protecting our health, the villainizing of a simple hug is creating irreparable damage.