A Letter from Your Teen’s Teacher

Independent, productive, brilliant. Yes, these are some of the words to describe the teenage years, but these are not the usual terms. Hormonal, moody, difficult, and quarrelsome? Those are the words I hear more often. My teen years were all of these-wonderful and difficult- and after over 20 years of teaching teenagers, I would like to tell parents a few things from my point of view. Am I an expert? No. My son is only 12, so we are just beginning our journey, but as a high school English teacher, I would like to give some encouragement to parents. After years of reading journal entries and essays written by your teens, there are a few things you should know.

1. You are important. I know, they are prickly. They don’t give too many warm fuzzies. I spend 7 hours a day with them, but I recently had them write a letter of appreciation to anyone of their choice on Valentine’s Day. Yes, there were a few notes to a boyfriend or girlfriend, but hands down, 50% wrote a letter to one or both of their parents saying how much they appreciate them. One letter stands out in my mind, though. A boy, 10th grade, wrote that he appreciates his parents, and that he wishes he could tell them that despite the rough times they’ve had in the last few years, he really appreciates what they’ve done for him. It was clear, he would not deliver this letter, so just know. You are more appreciated than you will ever know.
2. They want you to pay attention to them. Again, I get it. They are always on their phones, and they act annoyed when you ask them to get off, but they actually do want your actual attention. They write about you being on your phone when you are all out to dinner, so, yes, they do it too, but they want you to put down your device and try to spend time with them. They are also touched by the fact that you come their events. Sports, music, drama, all of it. They want you there. Will they say, “Thank you?” Probably not, but they will remember, and they might tell me about it in their journal. So, continue to be there, eat with them, go to their 20th band concert. Even if they don’t act like they appreciate it. They do.
3. They are capable of a lot. They are so talented and brilliant in so many ways. Trust them to try things, make decisions, and mess up. They want to help others, succeed, even change the world. Treat them like the “almost adults” that they are. Don’t “turn them loose” yet, but allow them to make as many decisions as possible. And if they have challenges, like a learning disability, autism, traumatic pasts,or other challenges, trust them too. The good majority of my teaching career has been working with at-risk students. Recently, I spent time with a group of former students, now 22 or 23, all at-risk, and I am happy to report that they make it. They grow up, work, find love, have children, all of it. So, even if you are desperately worried about their special challenges, God has a plan for that too. So, trust them also. These students are some of the most hard-working, caring people I know. They are capable of great things, and many are my heroes.

So, why am I writing to you? These teen years are difficult, but they go so fast. Keep caring, trying, talking and being there. They notice, and they still need you to spend time with them, care, and tell them they are doing a good job, even when things are a little rocky. You may never know their appreciation, but it is there. I am a witness.