My Own Unexpected Journal

I’m surprised I even recognized the name.  It had been years: more than ten, if my calculations are correct.  Not to mention the number of students I had taught since I had him: hundreds? Nevertheless, I recognized the last name and clicked on it.  Sure enough, this girl had married him, my former student. We weren’t particularly close: I don’t “friend” my former students, and I have zero idea what mutual contacts this girl and I had, but there she was, nonetheless.  One click revealed a breath-taking wedding photograph behind the font reading “Jesus is King”! This detail was particularly important because, while I had a few outspoken Chritian students that year, he was definitely not one of them.  In fact, he openly voiced opposition to Christianity and any activities surrounding it. I know this because one weekend I saw him at an Easter egg hunt put on by a local church.  He was helping, so I sincerely asked him if he attended that church.  His response was a hasty “no” followed by an explanation that he was only there because his uncle convinced him to volunteer for that event. 

And that was the extent of our interactions, other than that of student and teacher.  Okay, well that was MOST of it.  The years I taught him was what I call my “Praying Period”. A history of depression, the emotional challenges of teaching at-risk teens, getting married, having babies while working full time, and struggling with postpartum depression had laid the groundwork.  My motto was, “If you don’t know what to do, pray”.  And those years had left me with a lot of unanswered questions, so I prayed.  I periodically took my journal to a coffee shop and began with thanksgiving, then family, and of course, my students.  Now, 100 students a year, every year, is too many to pray for, but I remembered something Louie Giglio said to me at a college retreat years ago.  I had asked him how to know who to talk to, pray for, etc . . . He said something like, “Sometimes I don’t engage anyone.  I speak to those I feel God wants me to speak to”. With the busyness of my life, I had to trust that the names of students that came to mind were those I was meant to pray for.  As a result, I always ended with a list of students’ names I felt called to bring before God. I can’t explain why, but this boy’s name was often on the list that year, and off and on for the next few years. 

Now, prayer is one of those mysteries we can’t fully understand.  We pray with all sorts of motives, some pure and some selfish.  Despite our weaknesses, we are commanded, however, to “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18). In addition, we are assured that not only is Jesus interceding for us (Hebrews 7:25), but the Holy Spirit as well.  Romans 8 tells us “ . . . the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the spirit himself intercedes with us for groanings too deep for words.  And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the spirit because the spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God” (Romans 8:26-27). And while I wasn’t praying in order to get lightning bolt answers, there were a few signs that God was hearing my prayers at that time.  I remember I was working closely with our addiction counselor at the time.  We had many students in common and collaborated the best we could.  That particular year, she told me that her mid-year addiction survey showed our school’s reported drug use was down, while both of the other high schools’ reported use was up.  That and all of the strength and answers to prayer with my family at that time let me know that God was listening.  At the same time, I, regrettably, did not expect God to just work in a student’s heart, especially not one who opposed him adamantly. 

Now, we cannot know God’s will.  As Isaiah 55 says, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways”. All we can do is act in obedience, trusting that “for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).  And while I would love to know when and how God will answer my prayers, this recent unexpected find on Facebook has inspired me to pray for all those God brings to mind.  After all, one student’s miraculous conversion is enough to keep me going.