Carried Along

“I’m already done!” he said as he held up his paper to show me.

I had just asked my class to stay on task and finish their work, pretty routine, but to this student, these chastisements are different, personal. You see, I am never talking to him. He has been in my class for three semesters, and I know he will be one of the first ones to finish, and whatever it is will be well-done. So, why does he feel the need to show me what I already know? The benefit of having him for so long, and having him for English, is that I know him a bit. I know he hasn’t always lived here, and I know that he feels that people here judge him because he is black. I don’t know the specifics, but in middles school, someone falsely accused him of something based on his appearance. In his mind, every day is a fight to prove to the world that, despite the color of his skin, he is not the bad kid they assume him to be. His struggle is real.

He is brilliant. One of the funniest, most entertaining kids I’ve never met. He is a hard worker and respectful, but he is in a constant state of mental turmoil. He and his mother, a believer, do not see eye to eye, and the fact that he came out as gay last year is a point of contention. On top of that, some kids in his art class last semester were making fun of him so much that a friend of his had to tell the principal in order to make it stop. He is fun but not happy. He feels that he is not accepted, and for that and other reasons, he is angry. His struggle is real.

She is smart, beautiful and has so much going for her. She really wants to graduate, to accomplish something, to be successful. But the voices around her are not encouraging. Her family didn’t graduate or get as far as her in school, so they chastise her telling her her grades are not good enough, her job isn’t good enough. Why doesn’t she just drop out? She probably won’t make it anyway. Does she really need to be better than them? Maybe she should just quit everything, and stay home so she can help her family. They have so much going on. Her struggle is real.

In a country polarized by political issues, Christians have an important role. It is easy, when we don’t have that disenfranchised person standing right in front of us, to brush it under the rug. “Why don’t they just suck it up and quit whining?” “They just want special treatment.” “Nobody is discriminating against them; they are just imagining it.” “They chose this lifestyle; what are they whining about?” “What if I just decided I wanted to be a different race? How would that be?” I hear these phrases, often in Christian circles, and I think we are simplifying situations we don’t understand. These beautiful people illustrate it. Discrimination based on race, sexual orientation, poverty, etc . . . are real. I have witnessed them all first hand.

So, what do we do? How do I play a part in solving it? What if that is the wrong question? Of course, we should fight against injustice. We need to change our thinking. As Isaiah 1:17 says, “Learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow’s cause.” Whenever an issue like this comes up, we should pretend we are standing in front of that person who feels defeated, beaten down, rejected. As Atticus Finch says, “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view—until you climb into his skin and walk around in it” (To Kill a Mockingbird). Maybe we should expand our horizons, meet people from different walks of life. Maybe then we will think twice before being rude, insensitive, derogatory. In the words of my very wise 10-year-old, we don’t have to agree with everything, “but it doesn’t mean we have to be disrespectful.”

Snobbery. We are surrounded by it. The forms of snobbery we admit to, and face it, are proud of, are countless: beer, coffee, food, shoes, clothes, nails, the list goes on and on. We are even education snobs. We tout our preferred method of schooling, and talk about whether upper education as a badge. And we are okay with it. We even brag about it. The questions is-is it okay? Are there any forms of snobbery that equate to sin? I know, I know. Most people who claim to be snobs are just kidding, sort of. Should we really read that much into it? The short answer is “yes”. As Christians, snobbery can often be a hindrance to our witness.

Let me give you some context. I am an English teacher. I am constantly teaching and correcting grammar in my student’s writing. While many people would understand if I were a grammar snob, I am most definitely not. I refuse to correct the grammar of my students when they are talking in class, for any reason. Why? Isn’t that my job? I say, “No”. My job is many things: to teach reading, writing, grammar, etc . . ., but a big part of my job requires earning my students’ trust. If I want my students to learn from me, they need to feel safe enough to try new things, something they must do to build new skills. If they feel like I will correct everything they say, they will not feel safe enough to try new things, ask questions if they don’t understand, etc . . . They must feel free to speak freely, without judgement. So, for me, grammar snobbery is not an option.

Much of the time, snobbery is innocent and harmless, but as believers, we need to be willing to slowly give up our snobbery when our witness requires it. So, we can probably continue as we have been, but, hopefully, we are seeking to meet new people, Christian and otherwise, that are outside of our usual circles. As we do this, we may need to lose our “preferences” for the sake of the gospel. Can I eat at that restaurant, drink that coffee, go to that part of town, accept that person’s appearance, etc . . . ? Or am I too stuck in my comfort zone to become “uncomfortable” for the sake of another soul. As Paul states, “ Though I am free and belong to no one, I have made myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible. . .    To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some.  I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings” (1 Corinthians 19, 22-23). So, where do we start? We need to strip away anything that gets in the way of people’s souls-God’s main concern. What is your area of snobbery? It is often harmless to be a snob as long as we are ready to relinquish our snobbery the minute it stands in the way of our ability to reach out to another soul.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Not only was I on foreign territory (The Bible Belt), but I had just returned from 6 weeks in a Muslim province in China. I was tired, my stomach was still a little off, and I was not used to life in America, especially church life in America. My memory of this day is fuzzy at best, but I remember sitting in my friend’s church listening to a discussion on new carpet. Maybe it was a discussion, maybe they were taking a vote on whether to buy new carpet, but all I remember is thinking, “Do they realize that a good portion of the world’s church doesn’t even meet in buildings?” Home churches, bugged rooms, baptisms in bath tubs as well as names of condemned criminals (Christians among them) displayed on prison walls were fresh in my mind. My 20-year-old self did not know how to reconcile these two drastically different “Christian” perspectives, but I did know one thing: much of what Americans consider “Christian” are not a part of the gospel at all.

It has been over 20 years since that time, and I still struggle with separating the true gospel from my opinions, preferences, lifestyle choices and comfort level. This is especially difficult in mentoring. I have always mentored. Since I was 16-years-old, I have been in some sort of mentoring role in the church, ministry, school; I don’t remember a time I didn’t mentor. I truly feel that mentoring is a privilege for many reasons, but lately, I have realized how difficult genuine mentoring truly is. This is especially true when mentoring someone from a different race, culture, socioeconomic group or denomination. I have to constantly ask myself, “Is what I am focusing on truly important to Christ and this person’s walk with him, or I am I just wanting he/she to be more like me so that I feel more comfortable?”

I am daily convicted about my need to want the people I mentor to display similar beliefs when it comes to politics, money, wealth, life goals, education, career, family, etc . . . The more I am privileged to come into contact with people from different walks of life, the more I realize that a lot of the mentoring I do and am doing is not all about Christ, but more about me. May we all be willing to struggle with this difficult truth and commit to focus our attention on God’s concerns, saying as Paul said, “And I, when I came to you, brothers, did not come proclaiming to you the testimony of God with lofty speech or wisdom. For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. And I was with you in weakness and in fear and much trembling, and my speech and my message were not in plausible words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, so that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God.” 1 Corinthians 2:1-5.

Please Lord, make our mentoring yours.

It was a brief encounter, 5 minutes, maybe 6? What was said, however, has been playing through my mind for weeks now.  I never expected something so significant to happen at a trampoline park of all places.  We had free passes we needed to use, so while my boys and their friends jumped, I reluctantly read the new book I am teaching next year.  Don’t get me wrong, I love teaching, but that end of summer feeling when I need to get ready, but I just don’t want to quite yet, was still with me.  All of a sudden, a young man in his early 20’s sat next to me on the bench and said, “Hi, Mrs. . . .”  Well, now I knew that this young man, now probably 6 foot 4, at least, was a former student.  That feeling can be overwhelming to someone who has taught as long as I have because, after 20 years, I don’t always remember everyone’s name or exactly what year I taught them, but I remembered him.  He was an exceptional athlete with many insecurities and the only name I could remember was the last name which he had changed in the two years I knew him because he had been abandoned by the dad that gave it to him.

“I want you to know you taught me a lot”, he went on to say, “and I hope you don’t think I’m a bad kid.”

Wow! What heartbreaking honesty, considering it had been 5 years since I had seen him, and we were in the middle of a noisy trampoline park on a summer day.  I quickly started remembering the true angst he displayed as a 15 year-old who desperately wanted approval from teachers, coaches and a dad who left, making sure we knew he never drank or used drugs. 

What was my answer?  I told him that being a teenager is tough, and I did not think he was a bad kid and patted him on the back.  He told me a few superficial details about his life now and left saying, “I just really wanted to talk to you” or something along those lines.

Did I say the right thing?  Was there something more God wanted me to say at that time?  My answer was probably lacking in many ways as usual because I am very emotional about some of the kids I have taught and didn’t know how to respond to such heart-felt honesty.  All I know is I have thought about this encounter every day since it happened.  Maybe it’s because we all feel this often, even daily, needing the approval of others, wondering if people think we are “bad people” for the things we do and say or don’t do and don’t say.  Just like this young man, I strive to receive other’s approval in my life instead of the father whose is the only approval I need. Whether it be at church, at work or with my husband,  I strive to do and say things that will make people “impressed” with me, but, unlike this young man,  I have a father whose approval I already have, not because I have done anything to deserve it, but because Jesus took my place, ensuring my complete approval of a perfect God.  So, why is it so hard to resist the struggle for approval from man?  Even Matthew 6 shows man’s tendency to struggle to get what we need ourselves.  Even though this passage is talking about struggling for what we will “eat” or “drink”, this striving to meet our own needs can apply to emotional needs as well.  May we “seek first his kingdom and his righteousness” trusting that whatever we need will “be given to ‘us’ as well” (Matthew 6:33) and “Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace . . . “ (Hebrews 4:16), not because we are “good kids” but because of Jesus who is not “unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin” (Hebrews 4:15).  May we rest not chase after fleeting approval and rest in the approval Jesus so freely offers.

Just a few days ago, I was discussing a certain movie with my son. At twelve, he is almost ready to see lots of movies he hasn’t watched before due to their content. As a mother, I am hesitant, however, to let him see some PG-13 movies due to content I feel like could harm him. In this conversation, he let me know that soon he could see one movie that is about a favorite band of his-he loves classic rock. I told him that , while I understood WHY he wants to see it, some of the content might be “disturbing” to him. His response? “Mom. Middle school is disturbing.” He got me there. We are a public school family. I teach in public school, and my kids go to public school. And yes, there are things kids say and do in public school that are at times, disturbing, to me or my kids, but, at the same time, I am amazed every day at the beauty of God’s creation present there.

Recently, I had to answer a series of questions as a team-building activity at a work conference. One of the questions was, “What do you value?” My immediate response was, “I value people”. I got a few odd looks from my colleagues when I answered, but my answer made perfect sense to me. After over 20 years in education, I have met so many remarkable people. Sure, I have seen a lot of difficult, even heartbreaking situations; after all, we live in a broken world filled with sin and pain. But I cannot begin to describe the beauty I have witnessed. Whether it be the unprecedented ability to overcome some of life’s worst obstacles, the willingness to give the shirt off of their own back when they don’t have another one to wear, the refusal to judge another-even for the most heinous acts, or the actions of a believer from another race or creed that show the love of Christ in a dark world, I will forever be changed by the beauty I see in God’s creation demonstrated in the schools I work in. So, yes, I know that to be “in and not of” the world means witnessing some “disturbing” things, but I pray that my children will see with God’s eyes the beauty around them, and truly “value” others the ways Jesus does.