Elisabeth Elliot famously said, “The secret is Christ in me, not me in a different set of circumstances” (Keep a Quiet Heart, 20).
Carried Along
A blog about real life through the lens of Christ
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I do it all the time. I am simply perusing Facebook to “kill time”, and soon I’m coveting someone else’s family, vacation, job, place of residence, cabin. Whether it’s an idyllic beach vacation or a creative activity with their kids, their online lives seem so much better than mine- less stressful, more fun, more ideal. If I admit it, I’ve always been this way-the coveting type. I envy others’ sense of style, popularity, fun personality, job, or life in general. You’d think I’d have outgrown this ridiculous habit. It’s not like I don’t know that there isn’t a single person who hasn’t been touched by this fallen world. Time and time again, I have idolized a person’s life just to learn of a heart break they’ve endured, usually something much more tragic than I’ve never even come close to experiencing. Broken relationships, wayward children, contentious relationships, debt, discontentment-dysfunction is rampant, even in the lives of those who have the most convincing Facebook photos. Sure, I stop and give thanks when I’m made aware of these realities, but it never takes long for my contentment issues to sneak back in, convincing me that other’s lives are still somehow better, more fulfilling than mine.
Just like my recent growing screen addiction, I excuse away my glaring jealousy. I tell myself it’s not too serious and move on. The problem? It is serious, however; grave, in fact. The green monster directly conflicts with the basic tenets of our faith. In James’ “Taming the Tongue” chapter, he exposes the gravity of simple envy saying, “But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice” (3:14-15). Wow! Despite my efforts to brush it under the rug, this is no light matter.
It shouldn’t surprise me, really. The truth is that when I’m coveting the alleged simplicity of my friend’s stay-at-home mom status or idyllic neighborhood, I’m violating Christ’s command to “love my neighbor”. In 1 Corinthians 13, commonly known as “the love chapter”, Paul describes love. Here he tells us that “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast . . . “and “ . . . rejoices with the truth” (13:4, 6). Well, that is convicting. My small habit of putting others’ lives on a pedestal actually prevents me from loving others as I should. My failure to see the reality of my friends’ and acquaintances’ hardships is a wall barring me from “’bearing’ one another’s burdens” in order to “fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 5:2). Much to my chagrin, this small habit can actually render me paralyzed in my faith, blind and disobedient to my loving Father.
The seriousness of this sin begs the question: If envy is the disease, what is the cure? The answer is glaringly obvious. The easiest way to combat envy is to be thankful. A quick google search tells me that the Bible mentions the word “thanks” 73 times and phrases that mean “give thanks” 114 times. Take for instance 1 Thessalonians which says, “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you” (5:16-18), “Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever” (1 Corinthians 16:34), or ”Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful” (Colossians 3:15). The list could go on for miles.
Yes. God’s word gives us a steady barrage of reminders to be thankful scripture wide so that we will acknowledge our need for and dependence on Him. As with any command he gives, whether it addresses gratitude, purity, forgiveness, or numerous other issues, our obedience benefits us infinitely more than we know. As Christ is “the way, the truth, and the life” (John 14:6), living our lives in alignment with his tenets frees us to live the “abundant” life he promises. One essential tenet is to give thanks-not just when we feel like it, but “in all circumstances” (1 Thessalonians 5:16). Imagine the time I could save if I practiced this simple command!
In a fallen world consumed with the need to have the ideal relationship, kids, house, job, vacation home, you name it, contentment is more difficult than ever- and technology’s unrelenting presence does not help. Lord, please make my heart newly thankful in this month of Thanksgiving and beyond. You give so many good gifts. May I always give thanks realizing that “Your steadfast love is better than life” and is cause enough for my “lips to praise you”(Psalms 63:3).
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The term “one of those days” doesn’t fit really. It hasn’t fit for 18 months now. In any case, I was more stressed than I’ve ever been, in ways I couldn’t quite identify. Our school district had announced that this school year would be “mask optional” only to reverse the decision 48 hours before opening day. Some people were angry, some happy, but a general feeling of discomfort was pervasive. It was as if we were waiting for the next last minute change to drop. Sure. As teachers, we were ready for whatever came, ready to engage young minds despite the subpar morale, but that didn’t change the fact that this was a much different “first week” of school.
I’ll be honest, “walking by faith” was the last thing on my mind as I tried to chorale my scattered mind into organizing my room and lesson planning, something I was desperately behind on. I recognized the name as it came across my email, but what I read next was the last thing I expected. Within seconds, I was in the middle of a testimony of a former student. She was applying to a Christian college and wanted me to edit her entrance essays, one of which asked her to tell her salvation story. Sure, I knew this student and her family. We were “familiar” and aware of each other’s commitment to the gospel, but as I read this honest account of her doubts and struggles, her desire to rebel against God and the way God had transformed her mind and her family, I was changed. All of a sudden, my heavy head lifted, my weighted heart lightened, and the stress around me melted away.
In a mere moment God used this common request to edit a college application essay to remind me, remind me that he is at work, even when I’m too self-interested to see it. In the midst of my wallowing, this extraordinary young lady-and many like her-was expectantly praying for and pursuing the future God has for her. She wasn’t walking but forging ahead by faith, unlike me.
I didn’t truly process the transformation in my attitude until that evening. This one small request revealed the definite sin issue I was dealing with. No, life is not, and will never be, perfect or even predictable. As Christ promises, “In the world, you will have tribulation” (John 16:33) and Paul warns us we will “groan” in our earthly “tent” (2 Corinthians 5:4). Along with these acknowledgements, however, both passages offer hope, hope that is found when we are looking at the cross, not the world around us. Christ reminds us he has “overcome the world” (John 16:33) while Paul exhorts us to be of “good courage” as we “walk by faith, not by sight” (2 Corinthians 5:4).
I was so ashamed. How dare I ignore his promises because of a little dissension? People often ask me how I work with teenagers. “I could never do that” is often the comment I hear. Well, while teaching has its peaks and valleys, this particular young lady was unknowingly used by God to breathe life into my “dry bones” that day, and for many to come. And now when I see her excitedly preparing for her future, I am reminded of God’s miraculous work going on around me, even when I can’t quite see it.
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While I don’t know what legacy I’ll leave behind, I can be certain of this: God will use me to exalt his great name. He will use even my small acts of faithfulness for his kingdom purposes. I don’t want to miss out on the moments God has given me to be a small encouragement to those I encounter, whether it be for a lifetime, a season, or one brief moment.
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As a teacher, my emotions ebb and flow with my ever-changing schedule. Actually, the seasonal changes resemble the gravity-defying roller coasters I loved to ride in my youth. At the beginning of every year, I grieve that my own children are getting so old-they go to high school and middle school this year-and frantically prepare my room and curriculum, reminding myself find time to pray for my students, the most important part. I relish in the enthusiasm of my students in the fall, brace for the winds of change as soon as the holidays are in view, and bolster every ounce of enthusiasm I have to combat the lethargy and moods the spring brings, telling myself we just have to make it to May, then it will be “smooth sailing”. Soon enough that smooth sailing turns into an intense feeling of loss as students, some I have known since they were 14 “leave the nest” of high school, taking a piece of my heart. My heart shattered, I keep busy with finals week and year end duties and stumble into summer, both physically and emotionally exhausted.
Summer is both lonely and rejuvenating as I have time to myself, time with my family, time to process, time to do things I want to do like hike, write, pray more, and spend time with friends. Soon enough, as I am experiencing right now, summer is almost over; I need to by school supplies for my kids-I put this off until the last possible moment-and get them-and myself-ready for school.
One of my favorite verses is 2 Peter 1:3. “His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence”. “ . . . everything we need for life . . . “ I’m sure glad. I admit I should be more concerned with my own godliness, but I am definitely concerned with life. My marriage, my parenting, my relationships with family and friends, my interactions with my classes and their ever-varying dynamics. It’s overwhelming.
Good thing God is a practical God. Holy and practical. As Lamentations tells us, “The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease. For his compassions never fail. They are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness” (Lamentations 3:22-23). He is faithful to us in general as well as specific. Some instances include:
- Times of fear. From childhood to old age, fear is a real part of life. Sure, we know we shouldn’t fear, but from a young age we fear the dark, abandonment, bullies, heights, dogs, etc. . . . As we age, we add fear of rejection and failure. Some fears we can’t even name, generalized anxiety that we can’t quite pinpoint. God knows. Like a desert spring, his words are there, reminding us not to fear. In Deuteronomy God tells the Israelites, “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you” (Deuteronomy 31:6). Psalm 23 acknowledges our deepest fears admitting, “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me” (Psalm 23:4). Joshua, Isaiah, Jeremiah and many more instances show us that God is with us in our fear. And then there is Jesus. The angels acknowledge the shepherds’ fear at his coming. He calms the storm and continually teaches fear of God instead of our physical world. In Luke, he reminds us, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid” (Luke 14:27).
- Times of pain. One of my favorite movies is The Princess Bride. The dry humor led my family and friends to watch it so much I have most of it memorized. Before Wesley, the long lost love of the main character, Buttercup, reveals his identity, he tells her, “Life is pain, highness”. We have all had painful seasons, some more than others. This year, on top of the malaise of COVID, our city lost 4 teenagers in two weeks to senseless car crashes. To boot, the staff at my high school recently received emails stating that another of my students died in a summer car crash followed by news of a student who died of a seizure. While we are most definitely promised suffering like Christ’s (2 Timothy 3:12), the saying “Life is pain” is a reality in our everyday lives, sometimes for a season and sometimes longer. God does not leave us alone in our pain. Psalm 34:18 says that God is especially near to us during times of pain stating, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit”: Jesus addresses our suffering saying, “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33): and Paul encourages us, “And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast” (1 Peter 5:10).
- Times of uncertainty. Despite my choice of profession, change is hard for me. While my job promises change from semester to semester, my church’s unprecedented change in leadership, not to mention the changes occurring in my children’s lives are definitely leaving me with a feeling of mild trepidation. My best friend used to say, “Change is good; it lets you know you’re alive”. It may be a good sign of God’s work in our lives, but it sure can be uncomfortable. From concerns for our physical needs to anxiety about the future, God promises his presence and comfort. Matthew illustrates God’s care for us physically explaining, “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” (6:26); Jeremiah tells the Israelite exiles in Babylon, “ . . . I will visit you, and I will fulfill to you my promise and bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope . . . I will be found by you . . . and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations . . . and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile” (Jeremiah 29:10-14); and Psalm 139 emphasizes God’s faithfulness regardless of our circumstances saying, “Where shall I go from your spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me . . . even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light to you” (139:7-12).
Ezekiel 3 tells us our life will have seasons. Seasons of peace and rejoicing, seasons of upheaval, and seasons of pain. In all of these seasons, God is with us, carrying out his perfect plan, and making “everything beautiful in its time” (Ecclesiastes 3:11). Lord, thank you that I can trust you to provide all I need in the wildly varying seasons of my life.
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I love to garden. I really do. The idea of spring, the excitement of watching a seed turn into a small green chute, and, of course, using the squash and cucumbers I grew myself get me every time. Not to mention the fact that my closet domestic gets to come out for a few months before I get ready to go back to school, my true calling. While the growing season in Montana starts later than some places, even a seed catalog (which I rarely use) quickens my heart. This year, however, has been a true disappointment so far. While it often takes my seeds longer than the textbook time period to germinate, I have nothing up except the tomato, pepper, and rhubarb plants I bought. The culprit? Probably slugs, but they’ve never stopped me before. Unfortunately, this year is the worst gardening venture so far. I am truly disappointed.
Now, Lord willing, I will have a thriving pumpkin plant soon (they always surprise me), but I hate waiting. I want immediate satisfaction, no snags (or slugs), immediate success. I don’t know about you, but I feel the same extreme impatience in many areas of my life. I want immediate results in my relationship with my husband, my prayers for my children, my mentoring relationships, and my educational and professional goals. I know, I know, we live in a fallen world ruled by God’s purposes, not mine. But when I pray, I want an answer, when I make an effort in a relationship, I want results, when I make a goal, I want to reach it-no snails, snags or hiccups. Is that really too much to ask?
The older I get, the more I realize that my time is not God’s time. Sure, I SHOULD know this. The Bible is very clear about the disconnect between our idea of time and God’s. Ecclesiastes 11:3 tells us, “He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end”, 2 Peter 3:8-9 reminds us, “But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance”, and 1 Thessalonians warns us, “Now, brothers and sisters, about times and dates we do not need to write to you, for you know very well that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night” (5:2).
Even after 45 years it’s funny how, knowing these truths, I still feel devastated when I don’t get immediate results. Just like my heartbreak this morning when I saw that I still have ZERO seeds popping up in my garden, unforeseen complications in my relationships or my angst over my blog seemingly receiving less views than ever, I am definitely the person of “little faith” Jesus talked about on that stormy night at sea.
Miraculously, when I actually take the time to do it, if I take time to acknowledge the times that God used time differently in my life for his purposes, I am in awe of his providence. In 1999, my grandmother fell into the Grand Canyon of Yellowstone National Park. She was 74 and newly recovered from heart surgery. She had a new lease on life. In an instant, the glue that held our family together was gone. For years, my family struggled with this life-altering loss, questioning why we couldn’t have her just a little longer. Soon after her death, my grandfather became very ill. This illness resulted in diabetes and dementia, which became very pronounced in 2008. A few years after he died in 2010, we realized God’s plan. Despite our ongoing devastation, we realized that had my grandmother lived, she would have had to revisit the painful path of her mother’s battle with dementia. Despite our protests, God knew she had endured enough wounds from that devastating disease.
In the past few years, I had a girl show up one day asking for biblical advice. As it turned out, she is the step-daughter of a friend I have been praying for since high school. I cannot express what a blessing this relationship has been to me. I could never have dreamed of a better way for God to answer my prayers in his time (over 20 years later) and his way.
And then, of course, there is 2020-year no one could have predicted. In truth, we are all still somewhat unaware of what the complete shutdown of our daily activities did to us emotionally and spiritually. Yet, we have to admit, this truly isolating and emotionally crushing year was used by God to work for our good (Romans 8:28). While we made many mistakes (I know I did), we slowed down, appreciated what was important, and came together in a way we couldn’t have before.
Abraham’s wait for a son, Joseph’s sale and imprisonment, Israel’s enslavement(s) and wait for a messiah, Christ’s wait for his ministry and wrongful execution- many heroes of the faith waited a long time for promises, some that were disappointing, and nothing like what they expected. Why should my life be any different? After all, Isaiah tells us, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways are my thoughts than your thoughts” (Isaiah 55:8-9).
The success of my garden this year is shaky at best. I may have to swallow my pride and buy a few plants in order to get some produce. In any case, it won’t be as productive as I would like. But one thing is sure, I will continue to have experiences that don’t turn out the way I want-disappointments, unexpected complications, maybe even utter failure. Despite the certain difficulties and suffering of this world, God’s garden is ALWAYS productive, no matter what we see. Today I am praying I can rest in these words of Christ, “I have said these things so that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take courage; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).
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Photo of a little boy and his dad on a field. Dad is holding a model of plane and shows how it flies. Father. For me, this word evokes many emotions. Excitement, love, adventure, that feeling that I can accomplish anything. My late father-in-law brings other characteristics to mind. Patience, quiet devotion, and faithfulness. While in our family, the word “father’ or “dad” connotes fond memories, many have a different reaction. After 22 years in public schools, I have seen it all. Overbearing or cruel, distant or absent, incarcerated or addicted, even deceased, some who even took their own lives. And then there are those, too many to count, who hardly knew their fathers or never met them at all. All they have are a few faint memories or stories, often negative, told to them by a family member. Once I even had a mother tell me she “couldn’t tell him (my student) much about his father”.
It’s true. Despite the many wonderful fathers I’ve had the privilege to know, a discussion of fathers quickly reminds us that we live in a fallen world. What’s funny? We all still want fathers, even those who’ve had the worst of experiences. If I could count the hours I’ve spent listening to kids talk about their fathers, especially those who didn’t have contact with them anymore because of abandonment, incarceration, severe addiction, etc. . . . Good, bad, or indifferent, fathers are important. Period.
While some people say we have a “God-shaped” hole in our lives, I also assert-and many would have to agree- that we have a “father-shaped” hole. Ask any 5 year-old who doesn’t have one. I can tell you, the desire for a father-child relationship is always there-there isn’t too much difference with 16 year-olds either.
So, why mention all of this heartbreak, on Father’s Day weekend of all times? Well, despite our fallen situation, there is good news. The gospel loves to redeem hopeless circumstances, to turn deep chasms of fallenness upside down. As Isaiah 61 describes it,
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,[a]
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
Even the best of fathers show weakness and fail, but God is there to fill our “father-shaped” hole. He is our ever faithful, always loving, never failing Dad, the one who binds our broken hearts, sets us free, comforts us, and trades the ashes of our broken lives for beauty.
One of my favorite movies is titled Smoke Signals. Based on a book by Sherman Alexie, this movie follows a character member of the Cord d’alene tribe named Victor who comes to terms with the death of his alcoholic, abusive father, who abandoned him around the age of 10. In the end of the movie, the director included a poem called “How Do We Forgive Our Fathers?”? While this poem is not faith-based, it insightfully expresses the many conflicting feelings people have about their fathers. While it mentions the true heart break some have felt at the hand of their fathers such as, “unexpected rage” or “divorcing . . . our mothers”, it also eloquently relates how all of us are so easily disappointed, sometimes at no fault of our father at all. From displaying “unexpected rage” to no rage at all, marrying or not marrying, divorcing or not divorcing, even exhibiting warmth or coldness. Essentially, no father can match our idealistic dad: the one who plays ball, fixes things, is always kind, and never abandons us even in the smallest way. Now, I grew up with a great dad as many of you did, yet, let’s face it, the idea of fathers is often more like a fairy tale than real life.
Maybe this is God’s plan. We need him as our ideal father, all of us children with varied “father” backgrounds. This father-shaped hole is there to call us to him, the one father who is always consistent and never disappoints.
Consider the following verses about God as our perfect father:
For you are our Father, though Abraham does not know us, and Israel does not acknowledge us; you, O Lord, are our Father, our Redeemer from of old is your name (Isaiah 63:16).
And I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty (2 Corinthians 6:18).
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places (Ephesians 1:3).
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change (James 1:17).
See what kind of love the father has given to us that we should be called the children of God . . . . (1 John 3:1).
. . . for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights (Proverbs 3:12).
For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption of sons, by whom we cry, “Abba, Father” (Romans 8: 15)
Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and ye your heavenly father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? (Matthew 6:26).
In my Father’s house there are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have to you that I go to prepare a place for you? (John 14:2)
Enough said. As we meditate on these verses this Father’s Day, may we give thanks for the fathers and father figures God has given us and forgive any action or inaction that strayed from our expectations, knowing that our heavenly father chose us, loves us, and provides for us without fail. That father-shaped hole? We can trust “ . . . him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us” (Ephesians 3:20) to fill it perfectly..
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Just like doing an activity in a new environment, confronting the issue of diversity in the body of Christ can be an uncomfortable activity. Different buildings (or none at all), music, worship styles, prayers, congregants, school choices, and political leanings are just a few of the challenges that can make us feel uneasy. While diversity is a “hot button” issue in secular society, it is not one we, as believers are at liberty to ignore.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/connect.pca.women/permalink/4007672919315970/
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So blessed to be able to write this, especially after such a crazy year!Congratulations graduates!
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As we finish another school year, praying I will focus on God’s definition of success, and not the world’s.
Carried Along 