Carried Along

A blog about real life through the lens of Christ

recent posts

  • For Such a Time as This

    It took me a while to notice. I mean, the first week back at work was such a whirlwind with new protocols, last minute schedule changes and the typical business of a new school year, and I’ll admit, I was fairly inward-focused, drowning in all I needed to get done. In the midst of this, one of my former students came to drop off a book, and stayed. He honestly didn’t like my class much last year, but he wanted to talk to me, tell me about his new schedule. He was happy to be back. And it kept happening, students stopping by just to say “Hi” and catch up a bit, some I hadn’t seen in a year.

    It took only one day since the students had returned to the building, one day of staring at masked faces grasping at any semblance of normal life, and I had an epiphany-people are struggling.  They are lonely, insecure, looking.  Looking for direction in an uncertain world where everything they have known has changed, and any plan can be cancelled on a moment’s notice.  And I felt a wave of responsibility.  While I am wallowing in self-pity while trying to adjust to a “new normal”, I am missing maybe the most opportunity I’ve had in years to be salt and light. 

    While we were all filling our lives to the hilt with work, sports, activities, vacations, even church, society could easily turn a blind eye to the things of God.  But we have entered a new era, an era where our activity-packed lives can no longer fill the void, and people are looking.  Now more than ever, believers must heed this advice from Colossians 4 to “Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time. 6Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person” (Colossians 4: 5-6). 

    I’ll admit, I have been failing miserably, but my prayer is that I won’t be side-tracked by “civilian affairs”.  I pray that instead of fear, I will display faith in God’s sovereign plan; instead of anger, I will display a peace which “surpasses all understanding” (Philippians 4:7); instead of hate, I will display love remembering that my enemy isn’t of “flesh and blood” (Ephesians 6:12), despite what the political ads say.  For, in a time of unrest and uncertainty, it is more important than ever that I embrace 2 Timothy 2 which states, “No soldier gets entangled in civilian pursuits, since his aim is to please the one who enlisted him” (2 Timothy 2:4).  For while the COVID era may seem a burden, it is definitely an opportunity.  It is a distinct possibility that much of my spiritual preparation is “for such a time as this”.  Lord, help me remember.

  • Do Not Forecast Grief

    The first week my boys and I were home as a result of the COVID-19 quarantine, we watched the movie The End of the Sword. A life-long Elisabeth Elliot fan, I am not sure how I never read this book or saw this movie, but along with a deep emotional reaction to such a stark picture of forgiveness and redemption, I was reminded of how the story of Elisabeth Elliot captivated my friends and I as young college girls. We may have even “snuck” into a locked football stadium at the University of Oklahoma to journal and pray, just to be like her. In the reading I did after graduating from college, I somehow came across a devotional written by my still favorite author called Keep a Quiet Heart. As a single girl just beginning my teaching career, I was struck by the practical ways she demonstrated how to focus on God’s peace in various life-circumstances. There was one short devotion, however, that made a lasting impact. The title of this chapter was “Do Not Forecast Grief”. In it she recalls a chance meeting with a young mother who confided in Elisabeth all of her anxieties from finances to the health of her family members. In one portion of this devotional, she warns, “Today is mine. Tomorrow is none of my business. If I peer anxiously into the future, I will strain my spiritual eyes so that I will not see clearly what is required of me now”.

    Many times in my life this phrase, “Do not forecast grief” has come to my mind: marital difficulties, pregnancy, motherhood, a new job, the threat of school shootings. There are so many times when we can expect the worst. I remember when, during my first pregnancy, a friend gave me several books on pregnancy. As a person especially susceptible to anxiety and depression, I finally had to quit reading them, not because some of the information wasn’t good, but because the chapters on all of the possible complications threw me into a panicked state, worrying about all that could possibly go wrong. Add the possibility of SIDS, autism, and leaving my child while I went to work, and there have been plenty of times I have recalled this phrase, coming back to the promise that God is in control and any pain is known by and allowed by him alone.

    In this time of COVID-19, I am of course recalling these words again, as we “re-enter” a society riddled with fear and anxiety. The news and social media are rampant with people acting as if “all” people who contract this new disease will die. Some of us are so anxious, we cannot imagine that we might have to go back to work or school, even attending church is beyond our understanding at this point. I will not even attempt to address the statistics out there on COVID-19. While the studies of countries who are on the other side of the outbreak state it is no worse than the flu, projections in the U.S. vacillate wildly depending on who is reporting. In the end, the statistics do not negate God’s plan.

    As Psalm 121 states:

    I lift up my eyes to the hills.
        From where does my help come?
    My help comes from the Lord,
        who made heaven and earth.He will not let your foot be moved;
        he who keeps you will not slumber.

     Behold, he who keeps Israel
        will neither slumber nor sleep.

     The Lord is your keeper;
        the Lord is your shade on your right hand.
    The sun shall not strike you by day,
        nor the moon by night.

     The Lord will keep you from all evil;
        he will keep your life.
    The Lord will keep
        your going out and your coming in
        from this time forth and forevermore.

    Are we promised a carefree life, free from disease and calamity? No. Clearly, Elisabeth Elliot suffered greatly when her husband was killed very early in their marriage, but just as God’s promises were true for her even in her time of grief, his promises are also true during this current pandemic we are navigating. He is not at a loss. As we are being “sent out” into a vaccineless world full of uncertainty, it is good to remind ourselves of Christ’s “sending out” of the disciples in Matthew 10. In this passage, he warns them that they will face certain persecution, even flogging. But despite these dangers, he warns them, “And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell” (Matthew 10:28) for “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father . . . Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows” (Matthew 10: 29, 31).

    Just as Christ asked the disciples to enter a world of danger, he is asking us to do his work without fear. For many of us, this work will include interacting with a world potentially infected with this unknown virus. Is grief a possibility during these uncertain times? Absolutely, but, just like before, God has plans for us, plans that require us to live as he asks us to, plans that cannot be carried out if we allow ourselves to “forecast grief”. As Elliot suggests, “If my life is once surrendered, all is well. Let me not grab it back as though it were in peril in His hand but would be safer in mine.” During these uncertain times, it is tempting to want to “grab” our lives back, retreating into ourselves for protection from the unknown. God help us resist this temptation to “forecast grief” lest we miss the blessings he has not only for us, but for those he brings into our path.

  • A #2020 Confession

    Lord,

    Forgive me.

    During this time of shutdowns, COVID, and unrest

    I have despaired

    Feeling overwhelmed and isolated from others

    I have failed to trust in your sovereign will and promises

    I have feared

    You continually say, “Do not be afraid”

    But I have feared disease, death, discomfort and change

    I have hated

    In my pain and discomfort

    Those who disagree with me and those in power over me

    Instead of trusting that “ . . . nor anything . . . in all creation can separate me from your love”

    I have spouted off

    In person and online

    Impatiently voicing my frustration for all to hear

    Instead of being “quick to listen and slow to speak” as you have commanded

    I have neglected

    Those around me who need companionship and help

    As I wallow in my own self-pity

    I have doubted

    Your unwavering plan and ability to carry it out

    As the world around me becomes seemingly unrecognizable

    Instead of remembering your steadfast love and perfect strength

    Throughout history-the world’s and mine

    Forgive me, Lord.  I pray.

  • A Letter from Your Teen’s Teacher

    Independent, productive, brilliant. Yes, these are some of the words to describe the teenage years, but these are not the usual terms. Hormonal, moody, difficult, and quarrelsome? Those are the words I hear more often. My teen years were all of these-wonderful and difficult- and after over 20 years of teaching teenagers, I would like to tell parents a few things from my point of view. Am I an expert? No. My son is only 12, so we are just beginning our journey, but as a high school English teacher, I would like to give some encouragement to parents. After years of reading journal entries and essays written by your teens, there are a few things you should know.

    1. You are important. I know, they are prickly. They don’t give too many warm fuzzies. I spend 7 hours a day with them, but I recently had them write a letter of appreciation to anyone of their choice on Valentine’s Day. Yes, there were a few notes to a boyfriend or girlfriend, but hands down, 50% wrote a letter to one or both of their parents saying how much they appreciate them. One letter stands out in my mind, though. A boy, 10th grade, wrote that he appreciates his parents, and that he wishes he could tell them that despite the rough times they’ve had in the last few years, he really appreciates what they’ve done for him. It was clear, he would not deliver this letter, so just know. You are more appreciated than you will ever know.
    2. They want you to pay attention to them. Again, I get it. They are always on their phones, and they act annoyed when you ask them to get off, but they actually do want your actual attention. They write about you being on your phone when you are all out to dinner, so, yes, they do it too, but they want you to put down your device and try to spend time with them. They are also touched by the fact that you come their events. Sports, music, drama, all of it. They want you there. Will they say, “Thank you?” Probably not, but they will remember, and they might tell me about it in their journal. So, continue to be there, eat with them, go to their 20th band concert. Even if they don’t act like they appreciate it. They do.
    3. They are capable of a lot. They are so talented and brilliant in so many ways. Trust them to try things, make decisions, and mess up. They want to help others, succeed, even change the world. Treat them like the “almost adults” that they are. Don’t “turn them loose” yet, but allow them to make as many decisions as possible. And if they have challenges, like a learning disability, autism, traumatic pasts,or other challenges, trust them too. The good majority of my teaching career has been working with at-risk students. Recently, I spent time with a group of former students, now 22 or 23, all at-risk, and I am happy to report that they make it. They grow up, work, find love, have children, all of it. So, even if you are desperately worried about their special challenges, God has a plan for that too. So, trust them also. These students are some of the most hard-working, caring people I know. They are capable of great things, and many are my heroes.

    So, why am I writing to you? These teen years are difficult, but they go so fast. Keep caring, trying, talking and being there. They notice, and they still need you to spend time with them, care, and tell them they are doing a good job, even when things are a little rocky. You may never know their appreciation, but it is there. I am a witness.

  • Raising Children in a Success Obsessed World

    twitter.com/PCACDM/status/1291310561783951360

  • Like a Child

    I never tire of the mountains.  I want to be in them every day-rain, snow, sun-it doesn’t matter.  While we don’t own a mountain get-a-way, we only live one hour away, so we try to go as often as possible.  And the lack of organized activities this year has allowed for a bit more of that, I’m happy to say.  Our dear friends do own a cabin, however, and let us stay from time to time.  So, my boys and I snuck up there for a night to be in nature, escape wifi, and hike.  It was the first time we’d been there without either their grandparents or my husband, and it was fun but different.  Having no screens, my older son-who is a music freak-played the keyboard most of the night after a small attempt at board games.  I’ll admit, I was a little put out.  I wished someone else could have come and that my older son would happily play board games with us, but it didn’t happen that way.

     My 10 year-old, however, did not let that dampen his mood. You see, I am his most favorite person in the world.  So, he was more than content, elated really, that he could “play” charades with just me for the evening. This game consisted of him acting out an animal, object, or action and me guessing it. Basically, he was the immediate “winner”. The items were fairly easy, so I could usually guess correctly, but he didn’t seem to care.  At one point, he even said, “I must be pretty good at acting.”  As he was happily getting new cards and celebrating every time I guessed correctly, I wondered if this is what Jesus meant when he told the disciples “ . . . for to such belongs the kingdom of God . . . Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it .”(Mark 10: 14-15).  Children were not considered important in ancient cultures, but Jesus knew differently.  Children know the most about absolute faith and complete devotion, those traits needed in the commandment “Love the Lord your God with all of your heart sole, mind and strength” (Matthew 22;37).  That night,  I was focused on what wasn’t quite right, but he was happy about one thing-spending time with me, the love of his life (for these first 10 years at least). 

    Aaah, the simplicity of a child’s outlook.  Wouldn’t it be wonderful if I could be satisfied or even “delighted” just to spend time with my father?  The one who knew me in the womb, created me, called me into relationship with him, and has and will provide me with all I need.  What if that was all I needed?  Well, the answer to that is that God is all I need.  But, I will admit that the admonition of Psalm 37 is a bit foreign to me right now.  Oh, it applies exactly to the unrest I am struggling with , the verses stating,

    “Fret not yourself because of

    evildoers; be not envious of wrongdoers! 

    For they will soon fade like the

     grass and with like the green herb.

    Trust in the Lord, and do good;

    dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. 

    Delight yourself in the Lord

     and he will give you the desires of your heart.” (Psalm 37: 1-4).

    Right now, I am immediately convicted by these words, for I am concerned about many things right now.  I am angry that evil is celebrated, that I have no certainty about the year to come, that I am uncomfortable with so many circumstances around me, that I feel powerless.  And in this moment, I cannot make myself be immediately at peace.  I am not “delighting in the Lord” alone like my son delighted in spending time with me that night.  As a result, I don’t feel like I have the desires of my heart. 

    So, what do I do?  The Psalm goes on to say,

                    “Commit your way to the Lord;

                    Trust in him, and he will act.

                    He will bring for your

                    Righteousness as the light and your justice as the noonday.

                    Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;

                    Fret not  . . .

                    Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath!” (Psalm 37: 5-8).

    Lord, forgive me for fretting, for not looking to you alone, for not delighting in you but in the worldly comforts I can’t have right now.  Please grant me the peace I can’t grant myself in these times.  Give me the heart of a child desiring only the presence of his perfect father.  Answer this prayer in my own heart,

                    “Create in me a clean heart, O

                    God

                    And renew a right spirit within

    Me” (Psalm 51:10).

    In Jesus name, Amen.

  • Today, I Will Be #Thankful

    Yesterday, we hiked as a family. My husband and I hiked a lot when we first met and married, and now, after years of training, our boys are old enough to hike almost anything. One of my sons has a hurting heel, so we decided we needed to hike something that didn’t involve too much climbing. We decided on a trail we haven’t hiked in years. It was not only beautiful and peaceful but provided that familiar aroma of unadulterated fresh air mixed with the fragrance of pine. When everyone was hungry for lunch, we decided to walk a little further only to realize that the photo my husband and I consider our “engagement” photo-taken by our 12 year-old niece-was taken on that very hike 17 years ago. It was a great day.

    Unfortunately,this past week I have been anything but content.  Being out of “work” for the past 6 months, without a schedule and daily interaction with my students and colleagues, coupled by limited vacation options, mask fatigue, and frustration with what I will call “the state of things” in general has caused a general sense of “unrest” in my soul.  So, today, as I perused the many verses about thankfulness, I realized something.  These verses, many of which I have known for years, do not have the “If . . . then” option.  For example, when Psalms 7:17 states, “I will give thanks to the Lord because of his righteousness” and Psalm 100:4-5 states, “Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise . . . For the Lord is good and his love endures forever”, nothing is provisional.  David’s thankfulness does not hinge on how free he feels, if his life has been disrupted or the lack of unrest in his country.  It is based on the character of God alone.  In fact, much of the Bible is wrought with oppression, unrest, even slavery and imprisonment.  Nevertheless, thankfulness is not an option.

    So, today I am thankful

    Thankful for my family

    Immediate and extended

    For their health and support

    For the extra time I’ve had with them

    For my pastors

    Who are shepherding their flock

    Through such uncertain times

    For my church family

    And the ability to worship WITH them

    When some are forbidden (even in the U.S.)

    Even when singing in a mask is less than ideal

    For less scheduled activities

    (Though I hate to give them up)

    And more time to chat

    or take a walk with someone

    For smaller, less stressful vacations

    Hikes, day drives through Yellowstone Park

    The opportunity to appreciate

    The beauty that is close to home

    For my job

    That I have one and that it allows me

    To do what I love the most

    In whatever form I can

    For personal safety

    And the police that put their lives on the line

    To ensure that

    And School Resource Officers

    Who make my community and its schools a safer place

    For access to healthcare and those who make that possible

    And mostly for God

    Not only for his salvation and provision

    But for his presence and character

    On whom I can rest daily despite what comes

    Today, I will be thankful

  • Love my neighbor? I Can Barely Put One Foot in Front of the Other

    I sent a text the other day to one of my friends.  With the shut down of school (and society for a while) I have lost touch with so many of my friends, especially those associated with my work or my kids’ school.  I asked her how she was intending to see how she was dealing with all of the #COVID-related issues, but the response I got was nothing of the sort.  Two of her family members living in Africa had just passed away for unmentioned reasons.  In addition, she had lost a total of 8 family members there so far this year, 4 in a car accident.  As I was processing this information, I realized how selfish I’ve become in the last few months. 

    I have been so bothered by the disruptions to my life in the last few months that I have forgotten, forgotten that life is going on and others are suffering.  Yes, some are suffering from COVID, injustice, fear of the rise in violence in our country, but they are also suffering personally from circumstances, loneliness and anxiety, many from a source they can’t identify.  Just because I can’t do what I’m used to like teaching, traveling, planning-well- anything at all, doesn’t mean I can forget the basics.  The question the Pharisees asked Jesus in Matthew is the same questions we all have right now. Mainly, “God, what do you want me to do now?  Now that my world has been turned upside down?”  The answer he gave them is the same answer he gives us now.  The greatest commandment is still “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind . . . You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22: 37-39). 

    Both of these commandment are “other” focused.  Neither one asks me to look at myself, only upward and outward.  And I’ve been so focused on myself and my desire to return to “normal life”-which I may never see again-that I have failed.  Failed to realize that God is not in shock and dismay as I am.  In fact, not only is he perfectly aware of everything that is happening, but his plan has never changed once.  Despite the discomfort I feel, his passion towards drawing people to himself is the same.  And just because I am self-centered doesn’t mean there aren’t those who need my help or friendship even more during this time.

    During the last election, my friend posted a meme that stated, “Turn off your TV and love your neighbor.”  I do not watch the news much, I am definitely more focused on the chaos around me that the one who hold my future in my hand.  Praying I can “turn it off” whether physically or emotionally and remember that not only does God’s perfect plan prevail, but he wants me to be a part of it. 

  • When Step by Step is All We Have

    I love school, in any form. The smell of pencils, crayons, new books, all of it gives me a strange feeling of excitement. In fact, I have never missed a fall in school, not one. My boys have bought into my excitement, and are ready to go back now-especially after spending 6 months at home. But, I have to admit, this fall has a different sentiment, an added feeling of unpredictability I’ve never experienced before. Sure, there are plans, but they are all tentative. I am hopeful we will go back, but there are so many unknowns.

    How will it work? Masks, schedules, lunches, sports-the questions are endless, and unanswerable at this time. Never has there been so much uncertainty. This got me thinking of the song “Step by Step” by Rich Mullins, one of my favorites. Sure, we Christians say that we “follow” Christ. Sure, we know the passage in James that says, “Come now, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit’—  yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.  Instead you ought to say, ‘If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.’” We even say these words to each other at times, but we have rarely had to actually apply it to our lives.

    We love schedules. They give us stability, help us keep our kids busy, make us look like good parents, and, let’s face it, help us keep our sanity. Knowing what is next is what we all want, as much as possible. Until this year. This year the rug has been pulled out from under us, and will continue to be. Activities, plans, and vacations have all been cancelled, and continue to be. Who knows what the next few months will bring. And it’s uncomfortable, unnerving. I don’t know what to tell my kids or myself. Never had I felt closer to some other of Rich’s lyrics that say, “So if I stand let me stand on the promise/That you will pull me through/And if I can’t, let me fall on the grace/That first brought me to You” (If I Stand).

    But what if this time of unending uncertainty is not a curse but an opportunity, an opportunity to actually live what we say and rely daily, even hourly on Christ. And follow him instead of our plans. To actually get up each morning and seek him for the day’s activities because, for once, our lives are not already filled up with our own plans. Maybe we can actually deny our plans and pick up our cross and follow him because we actually have time to hear our shepherd’s voice (John 10:27) telling us to take a walk, make a visit, write a note, or have someone over for dinner because our calendars aren’t full for once. So many possibilities! Lord, give us eyes to see opportunity instead of inconvenience, the true work you have for us during these strange times.

  • When Helping Actually Hurts

    When I was 22 years old, I taught high school English. Among my students that year was a 16 year old mother of a 1 year old girl. It was well known that her home-life was rough as well, especially in regards to her own abusive mother. While I don’t remember her name, I do remember chatting with her one day while she was trying to catch up on some missing work and realizing-in a limited way-how little I understood of what her life was like, how little I felt like I had to offer her. Generational poverty, teen parenthood, a sordid home-life, none of these had ever been a part of my fairly rosy life so far.

    Year after year, I continued to encounter these students, counting on me to educate them, to give them what they need to step into adulthood, who were facing seemingly insurmountable obstacles along the way. My heart broke every time as I realized over and over how unfair life is, how much harder some people have to work to be successful. I taught them, but I truly felt like my efforts were often in vain. They were dealing with problems I could not help with.

    Years later, after working in a treatment center, I began teaching special education. One year, a particular teacher gave all of my special education students A’s instead of individual accommodations. I remember that one of my students was working hard on a research paper when he came into my room to inform me that she had given him an A on a paper he hadn’t yet completed. In her mind, since his academic skills were lower than the other kids, the “kind” thing to do was “gift” him this A. He was truly dejected and angry. He had put all of this work into this paper, and she wasn’t even going to look at it. Her “gift” also sent the message that he “couldn’t” do what other kids his age could do.

    That incident, along with many others slowly began to change my thinking. We were created to work hard and make our own way. My students, even those with the most challenges, do not want free grades, they want to learn and grow. They want to be able to do “it”, whatever “it” is so that when the time comes for them to do the job, take the test, write the paper, they can do it on their own. I began pushing my students, all of them, but especially my special education students. I taught them to write the essays, cite quotes, understand the vocabulary, and read what the other students were reading. The transformation was uncanny, and I will never forget when one of my students said, “I am so glad to taught me how to write. Today I had to write an essay in history, and I knew exactly how to do it.”

    And I began to gain confidence, not confidence that I KNEW what it was like to deal with racism, poverty, abuse, and disabilities of every kind, but confidence that just as many great coaches push their athletes to achieve success, I must push my students to achieve more on their own because, in the end, life is and never has been fair. And while I do everything in my power daily to make my classroom and school as safe and accessible to EVERY student, the world they are soon to enter will require that some of them work harder than others to be successful.

    Just like parents who make excuses for their children are disabling rather than helping their children, I, as a teacher, am disabling a student I don’t push to do the most he/she can do on their own. Because while I, personally, am responsible for treating others fairly and equally, the idea that life should be completely fair, as much as I want it to be, is a fairy tale, and teaching people to see themselves as victims of impossible circumstances does not help them succeed.

    Disclaimer: It is important to note that some people feel called to engage in politics on a larger scale. In addition, there are times for “peaceful” protests to emphasize injustice, which all of us must stand against as it comes our way. But, the current trend of telling people that all police, rich, or people of a certain race are evil and full of hatred is NOT a helpful message. This is not only hurting society as a whole but is hurting the people those spreading this message are “claiming” to help. The phrase “Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime” is true. In the end, victims NEVER win. The best way to help people is to empower them to do all they can do, responsibly, on their own. This may not be popular, but the confidence they build can carry them places nothing else can.