Carried Along

A blog about real life through the lens of Christ

recent posts

  • Abortion: What the Church is Missing

    I’ll admit it. I love cheesy movies. As the only female in my house, I have endured countless hours of harassment from the “boys” in my house over the Hallmark and Hallmarkish movies I watch. The bad acting, the fairy tale endings, the assurance that the guy always gets the girl and everyone reconciles-I love it all. I am not sure why I love these movies, but I tell people that I deal with enough real life as a public school teacher. Depression, drugs, sex, abuse, neglect, hopelessness-I accept this as my normal a lot of the time, so when I am at home, I want to know what I’m getting.

    The other day I happened to watch one of these cheesy movies. It was on Netflix because I actually don’t have Hallmark Channel anymore, and it turned out to be about a Christian young man who gets his girlfriend pregnant during his freshman year of college. It was clearly made with a pro-life message which is fantastic, but every time I see something like this movie or sit through “Sanctity of Life Sunday” at church, I feel somehow like the church is missing the reality of what girls who have abortions really go through. Don’t get me wrong, the abortion industry is big business, and I can affirm the fact that they really do tell the young girls I’ve known that what is inside them isn’t a baby. They do brain-wash them. I have personally heard this from girls who have visited Planned Parenthood. So, what is the church missing? Well, in this movie I watched recently, this young man has an incredibly supportive family. They don’t want to take a life, and they let the mother live with them. She also has an incredibly supportive mother who believes in the sanctity of life, etc . . . I think the problem with these movies is they are not portraying what life is like for a lot of people with unwanted pregnancies. Yes, there are some people who have abortions because it is inconvenient, but I have never encountered this. What I have seen is young girls with zero support from anyone whose mothers also have no support. The girls I know of have no father they know very well, and in one case, the girls father was the father of her child. They are not close to the “father” of their child, and in one case, the girl may not have even consented to the sex in the first place. If they are actually in a relationship with the father, it is often unhealthy.

    The other aspect the church is missing is how incredibly hard it is for the girls who DO have their babies. It may surprise you, but many young girls with zero religious background don’t want to take a life. They would never think about killing their child, but they have no parenting skills. They often do not have supportive families, as I stated above, and know nothing about raising children because, as I like to say, they were not raised themselves, but “survived” their childhoods. They deal with ridicule, poverty, lack of education and unhealthy relationships with the father and their own families.

    Much of the time, the church loves to stand against abortion while missing the complex reality behind abortions and unwanted pregnancies. So what is the point? What can be done? It is important for the church to be fully pro-life. It is not enough to be pro-life or protest at clinics, a practice I don’t support for several reasons. We have to be INVOLVED in the lives of those at-risk for unwanted pregnancies. We can volunteer at Crisis Pregnancy Centers, mentor in schools or organizations for at-risk youth, coach a sports team or simply encourage our own children to pray for and be supportive of their peers in the public school setting. We need to walk along-side those who are essentially “orphans” as the Bible commands. When we do this, we are not only fulfilling the command from James 1:27 but actively promoting life in deed instead of word only.

  • Choose Life

    In these trying times, I am trying to cope with the fact that I view life differently than a lot of people. Even this morning, as I walked into the grocery store, a fellow shopper handed me a sanitizing wipe for my cart. I was actually taken aback. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it was nice of her, and I did actually sanitize my cart at Walmart the other day, for once, but that was a rare occasion. I simply don’t live my life in fear of much, but I definitely do not let the fear of germs control me. I have taught school for so long, fully aware of all of the dangers. Not only am I in contact with 1000s of people each day, in addition to those my kids come into contact with in their schools, but I have never taught a year without a school shooting happening, somewhere in the country. I KNOW what the dangers are, but I am convinced it is more important to do what I am called to do, and that is be where the people are. I have spent one week away from my students in order to “social distance”, and it is so depressing that I can’t see them, talk to them, hear their sarcastic comments, really sad. That is what I am called to do, and the minute they let me back in the doors, I will be there again, despite the dangers. And my own kids will go back to school whenever they can because God wants us to shine his light, and almost always, that requires us to do the opposite of social distancing, daily. So today I “choose life” the best I know how because to choose fear in my mind is to also choose the “death and destruction” Deuteronomy mentions. Will people get sick? Yes. Is it okay to use caution? Yes. Is it okay to stop living because of fear? No. We are not to stop living, sharing life with others, “for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control . . . for I know whom I have believed, and I am convinced that he is able to guard until that day what has been entrusted to me” (2 Timothy 1:7, 13). May we remember the example of Christ, who refused to “social distance” from the sick, the poor, the outcast, etc . . . May we choose life.

  • The Problem With Prayer

    Prayer is a funny thing. As believers, we talk about prayer daily. We often tell others that we are praying for people, circumstances, relationships, and we ask them if we can pray for them, and promise to. There are times in my life when I prayed, truly prayed, clinging in desperation to Christ, knowing a specific circumstance could only change with his power, but that time is not now. If I look back on the times when I truly clung to God in prayer, I see how he answered, sustained me, restored broken relationships, etc . . . The problem is that I often don’t even think about him answering my prayers. They are a formality, something I “should” do, but I am often not really looking for him to actually DO anything in response. That is okay in some ways, because God is not a cash register, and he always answers with his wisdom and timing, but I should expect more, because as James writes, “But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind” (James 1:6). The other day, I had a conversation with an old friend about a relationship that had finally been restored after years of turmoil and prayer. I remember leaving the coffee shop that day feeling so convicted because it had taken me several months to figure out that our prayers had been answered, miraculously answered, and it was barely a blip on my radar. My response of, “That’s good!” should have been “Praise the Lord! Isn’t is miraculous what God has done!” Even in the past year, I look at personal prayers for others and my own personal life that have been answered, specifically, beyond what I could have asked or imagined, but I failed to give thanks, praise God, reflect on the beauty of his wisdom and timing in those situations. A friend got a job that changed her life, a seemingly irreparable marriage was restored, I reached personal goals I never thought I would reach, and I barely even noticed.

    As 2 Peter states, “But do not overlook this one fact, beloved, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day. The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance” (2 Peter 3: 8-9), and we do have to wait, sometimes even years, for a prayer to be answered in God’s perfect time, but I suggest that he has answered specific prayers for all of us in the past week, month, year, that we have failed to appreciate. Instead, I know for me, we focus on the world so much, that we can’t see how powerfully he is moving in our day, our time, our lives. May we pray continually, purposefully, and EXPECT His perfect results.  

  • The Truth? Not today.

    When my son was in kindergarten, he lied, not just a few times, but frequently. At least once every few weeks, he would tell us a tall tale about what happened to his lost glove, lunch box, etc . . . He was 5-years-old, and he didn’t want us to be mad or disappointed, so he lied. A few times we figured it out, and a few times the teacher confirmed that what we were told was not true. I’ll admit, at the time it was bothersome. After all, who wants their child to be a liar? Lying is a sin. Thank God, that pattern didn’t last long, but it was difficult for us to swallow. If he felt like he had to lie, why, and for how long would this last? Now, I’m not saying my boys are 100% truthful, who is? But, I am happy to report that my son outgrew that phase of constant story-telling and is now a responsible 12-year-old middle school student. I am not so sure, however, that we, as Christians, are really proponents of truth in general. Do we want our children to lie to us? No, of course not, but do we really want the cold, hard truth in many cases? Apparently not.

    I was confronted by this the other day while visiting with a friend. As she shared a conviction she was struggling with, I found myself focusing on the behavior, not the heart of the issue. The truth? I wanted her to tell me what I wanted to hear, so I wouldn’t have to deal with the fact that she is really struggling with her faith and that this is affecting her life in every way. I find this in myself a lot: mental illness, sexual identity or promiscuity, crises of faith-do I really want people to be honest about these things? It is much nicer if they just pretend that everything is fine. The truth is, simply, too messy. As a high school teacher, I don’t want to know everything about my students. Yes, I know quite a bit because I am their writing teacher, which means they tell me some personal details, but I don’t really want to know what they watch, listen to or do on the weekends. Why? Being a teenager is hard, and they are doing, watching, and listening to things I wouldn’t approve of at times. I have, at times, “jokingly” asked them to stop sharing because they are “losing their halo” I have metaphorically placed on their heads, just to preserve my sanity.

    Now, I may have to prevent myself from knowing everything about my students because, well, I have to teach sometime, but I do need to ask myself, “Am I really a proponent of the truth?” Do I see people as God sees them? Am I truly wanting to get to the heart of the matter with people like Christ with the woman at the well or Zacchaeus? Do I have God’s eyes that told Samuel,“Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7). I think in most cases, I really just want people to be okay. I don’t want to know their deepest fears or insecurities because it is too uncomfortable, too inconvenient. The problem is not that this desire for comfort makes me selfish. The problem is that, without the admission of truth, no one, including me, can confess sin, accept forgiveness, or be reconciled with God and others. So, when I encourage others to “keep up appearances” I am hindering the gospel, plain and simple. Lord, help me hold out the truth. As Christ told his followers,  “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, 32 and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8: 31).

  • My Hall of Faith

    She isn’t famous, or even well-known. She never started a foundation or even had a career. Not only is she not a part of history in any way, but she dealt with almost crippling insecurity her entire life, even at the time of her death. But despite her seeming insignificance, she daily inspires my walk with God. To me, she is of utmost significance. Who is she? She is not only my grandmother but my muse.

    I’ve always loved Hebrews 11. What a beautiful reminder of the faithful waiting, and suffering, our fathers in the faith endured. From Abel to Samuel, these imperfect, yet faithful, followers of God ” . . . through faith conquered kingdoms, enforced justice, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions, quenched the power of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, were made strong out of weakness, became mighty in war, put foreign armies to flight . . . Some were tortured . . . suffered mocking and flogging, and even chains of imprisonment . . . ” (Hebrews 11:33-36). In a world of modern conveniences, I am tempted to think that I should not endure suffering of any kind. At the same time, it is evident that despite modern conveniences, medicine and “civilized governments”, suffering will continue. Now, instead of enemy armies, an infant mortality rate of 28%, and a life time of back-breaking labor, we are dealing with crippling anxiety and depression as well as the unsettling news that modern medicine cannot prevent all infant deaths or battles with cancer.

    Because suffering is still a part of our lives, we have a dilemma on our hands. What do we do with this reality? For me, I have had to accept the reality of suffering since my early teen years. Despite my very stable, Christian, middle class family, depression has been a part of my life. I was never abused or neglected in any way, so I can only accept this as a result of a fallen world. I have always wanted a family, so when I had my first child at 31, I was so happy. My husband and I had waited for this moment. Unfortunately, that birth came with a dose of postpartum depression. I was heart-broken that this time was tainted by these negative emotions, but my “hall of faith” helped me during this time. Whenever I was particularly down, I remembered my grandmother- demeaned by her mother, suffered from poverty during the great depression, struggled to care for a young family of six on meager funds, lost a baby to premature birth, and struggled greatly with almost crippling insecurity for all of her life. Even though my son was born over 12 years ago, I remember thinking of her, what her days were like, and realizing that what I was suffering was nothing compared to what she suffered. Amidst all that she went through, she never lost her faith, so I knew that if she could carry on in faith, so could I. While our fathers in the faith never saw the Messiah they were so desperately waiting for, my grandmother was never cured of her insecurity on this earth. It was and is my conviction that when I still feel anxious, overwhelmed, or close to despair, that I must “lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and . . . run with endurance” the race set before me (Hebrews 12: 1). For just like Abraham or my grandmother, I will not understand every situation or emotion that comes my way, but one day we will receive “a kingdom that cannot be shaken”, so I must carry on as they did, remembering my “hall of faith”.

  • The Struggle: Is it really real?

    “I’m already done!” he said as he held up his paper to show me.

    I had just asked my class to stay on task and finish their work, pretty routine, but to this student, these chastisements are different, personal. You see, I am never talking to him. He has been in my class for three semesters, and I know he will be one of the first ones to finish, and whatever it is will be well-done. So, why does he feel the need to show me what I already know? The benefit of having him for so long, and having him for English, is that I know him a bit. I know he hasn’t always lived here, and I know that he feels that people here judge him because he is black. I don’t know the specifics, but in middles school, someone falsely accused him of something based on his appearance. In his mind, every day is a fight to prove to the world that, despite the color of his skin, he is not the bad kid they assume him to be. His struggle is real.

    He is brilliant. One of the funniest, most entertaining kids I’ve never met. He is a hard worker and respectful, but he is in a constant state of mental turmoil. He and his mother, a believer, do not see eye to eye, and the fact that he came out as gay last year is a point of contention. On top of that, some kids in his art class last semester were making fun of him so much that a friend of his had to tell the principal in order to make it stop. He is fun but not happy. He feels that he is not accepted, and for that and other reasons, he is angry. His struggle is real.

    She is smart, beautiful and has so much going for her. She really wants to graduate, to accomplish something, to be successful. But the voices around her are not encouraging. Her family didn’t graduate or get as far as her in school, so they chastise her telling her her grades are not good enough, her job isn’t good enough. Why doesn’t she just drop out? She probably won’t make it anyway. Does she really need to be better than them? Maybe she should just quit everything, and stay home so she can help her family. They have so much going on. Her struggle is real.

    In a country polarized by political issues, Christians have an important role. It is easy, when we don’t have that disenfranchised person standing right in front of us, to brush it under the rug. “Why don’t they just suck it up and quit whining?” “They just want special treatment.” “Nobody is discriminating against them; they are just imagining it.” “They chose this lifestyle; what are they whining about?” “What if I just decided I wanted to be a different race? How would that be?” I hear these phrases, often in Christian circles, and I think we are simplifying situations we don’t understand. These beautiful people illustrate it. Discrimination based on race, sexual orientation, poverty, etc . . . are real. I have witnessed them all first hand.

    So, what do we do? How do I play a part in solving it? What if that is the wrong question? Of course, we should fight against injustice. We need to change our thinking. As Isaiah 1:17 says, “Learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow’s cause.” Whenever an issue like this comes up, we should pretend we are standing in front of that person who feels defeated, beaten down, rejected. As Atticus Finch says, “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view—until you climb into his skin and walk around in it” (To Kill a Mockingbird). Maybe we should expand our horizons, meet people from different walks of life. Maybe then we will think twice before being rude, insensitive, derogatory. In the words of my very wise 10-year-old, we don’t have to agree with everything, “but it doesn’t mean we have to be disrespectful.”

  • Is Snobbery a Sin?

    Snobbery. We are surrounded by it. The forms of snobbery we admit to, and face it, are proud of, are countless: beer, coffee, food, shoes, clothes, nails, the list goes on and on. We are even education snobs. We tout our preferred method of schooling, and talk about whether upper education as a badge. And we are okay with it. We even brag about it. The questions is-is it okay? Are there any forms of snobbery that equate to sin? I know, I know. Most people who claim to be snobs are just kidding, sort of. Should we really read that much into it? The short answer is “yes”. As Christians, snobbery can often be a hindrance to our witness.

    Let me give you some context. I am an English teacher. I am constantly teaching and correcting grammar in my student’s writing. While many people would understand if I were a grammar snob, I am most definitely not. I refuse to correct the grammar of my students when they are talking in class, for any reason. Why? Isn’t that my job? I say, “No”. My job is many things: to teach reading, writing, grammar, etc . . ., but a big part of my job requires earning my students’ trust. If I want my students to learn from me, they need to feel safe enough to try new things, something they must do to build new skills. If they feel like I will correct everything they say, they will not feel safe enough to try new things, ask questions if they don’t understand, etc . . . They must feel free to speak freely, without judgement. So, for me, grammar snobbery is not an option.

    Much of the time, snobbery is innocent and harmless, but as believers, we need to be willing to slowly give up our snobbery when our witness requires it. So, we can probably continue as we have been, but, hopefully, we are seeking to meet new people, Christian and otherwise, that are outside of our usual circles. As we do this, we may need to lose our “preferences” for the sake of the gospel. Can I eat at that restaurant, drink that coffee, go to that part of town, accept that person’s appearance, etc . . . ? Or am I too stuck in my comfort zone to become “uncomfortable” for the sake of another soul. As Paul states, “ Though I am free and belong to no one, I have made myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible. . .    To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some.  I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings” (1 Corinthians 19, 22-23). So, where do we start? We need to strip away anything that gets in the way of people’s souls-God’s main concern. What is your area of snobbery? It is often harmless to be a snob as long as we are ready to relinquish our snobbery the minute it stands in the way of our ability to reach out to another soul.

  • Mentoring: What Not to Do

    I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Not only was I on foreign territory (The Bible Belt), but I had just returned from 6 weeks in a Muslim province in China. I was tired, my stomach was still a little off, and I was not used to life in America, especially church life in America. My memory of this day is fuzzy at best, but I remember sitting in my friend’s church listening to a discussion on new carpet. Maybe it was a discussion, maybe they were taking a vote on whether to buy new carpet, but all I remember is thinking, “Do they realize that a good portion of the world’s church doesn’t even meet in buildings?” Home churches, bugged rooms, baptisms in bath tubs as well as names of condemned criminals (Christians among them) displayed on prison walls were fresh in my mind. My 20-year-old self did not know how to reconcile these two drastically different “Christian” perspectives, but I did know one thing: much of what Americans consider “Christian” are not a part of the gospel at all.

    It has been over 20 years since that time, and I still struggle with separating the true gospel from my opinions, preferences, lifestyle choices and comfort level. This is especially difficult in mentoring. I have always mentored. Since I was 16-years-old, I have been in some sort of mentoring role in the church, ministry, school; I don’t remember a time I didn’t mentor. I truly feel that mentoring is a privilege for many reasons, but lately, I have realized how difficult genuine mentoring truly is. This is especially true when mentoring someone from a different race, culture, socioeconomic group or denomination. I have to constantly ask myself, “Is what I am focusing on truly important to Christ and this person’s walk with him, or I am I just wanting he/she to be more like me so that I feel more comfortable?”

    I am daily convicted about my need to want the people I mentor to display similar beliefs when it comes to politics, money, wealth, life goals, education, career, family, etc . . . The more I am privileged to come into contact with people from different walks of life, the more I realize that a lot of the mentoring I do and am doing is not all about Christ, but more about me. May we all be willing to struggle with this difficult truth and commit to focus our attention on God’s concerns, saying as Paul said, “And I, when I came to you, brothers, did not come proclaiming to you the testimony of God with lofty speech or wisdom. For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. And I was with you in weakness and in fear and much trembling, and my speech and my message were not in plausible words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, so that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God.” 1 Corinthians 2:1-5.

    Please Lord, make our mentoring yours.

  • Approval

    It was a brief encounter, 5 minutes, maybe 6? What was said, however, has been playing through my mind for weeks now.  I never expected something so significant to happen at a trampoline park of all places.  We had free passes we needed to use, so while my boys and their friends jumped, I reluctantly read the new book I am teaching next year.  Don’t get me wrong, I love teaching, but that end of summer feeling when I need to get ready, but I just don’t want to quite yet, was still with me.  All of a sudden, a young man in his early 20’s sat next to me on the bench and said, “Hi, Mrs. . . .”  Well, now I knew that this young man, now probably 6 foot 4, at least, was a former student.  That feeling can be overwhelming to someone who has taught as long as I have because, after 20 years, I don’t always remember everyone’s name or exactly what year I taught them, but I remembered him.  He was an exceptional athlete with many insecurities and the only name I could remember was the last name which he had changed in the two years I knew him because he had been abandoned by the dad that gave it to him.

    “I want you to know you taught me a lot”, he went on to say, “and I hope you don’t think I’m a bad kid.”

    Wow! What heartbreaking honesty, considering it had been 5 years since I had seen him, and we were in the middle of a noisy trampoline park on a summer day.  I quickly started remembering the true angst he displayed as a 15 year-old who desperately wanted approval from teachers, coaches and a dad who left, making sure we knew he never drank or used drugs. 

    What was my answer?  I told him that being a teenager is tough, and I did not think he was a bad kid and patted him on the back.  He told me a few superficial details about his life now and left saying, “I just really wanted to talk to you” or something along those lines.

    Did I say the right thing?  Was there something more God wanted me to say at that time?  My answer was probably lacking in many ways as usual because I am very emotional about some of the kids I have taught and didn’t know how to respond to such heart-felt honesty.  All I know is I have thought about this encounter every day since it happened.  Maybe it’s because we all feel this often, even daily, needing the approval of others, wondering if people think we are “bad people” for the things we do and say or don’t do and don’t say.  Just like this young man, I strive to receive other’s approval in my life instead of the father whose is the only approval I need. Whether it be at church, at work or with my husband,  I strive to do and say things that will make people “impressed” with me, but, unlike this young man,  I have a father whose approval I already have, not because I have done anything to deserve it, but because Jesus took my place, ensuring my complete approval of a perfect God.  So, why is it so hard to resist the struggle for approval from man?  Even Matthew 6 shows man’s tendency to struggle to get what we need ourselves.  Even though this passage is talking about struggling for what we will “eat” or “drink”, this striving to meet our own needs can apply to emotional needs as well.  May we “seek first his kingdom and his righteousness” trusting that whatever we need will “be given to ‘us’ as well” (Matthew 6:33) and “Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace . . . “ (Hebrews 4:16), not because we are “good kids” but because of Jesus who is not “unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin” (Hebrews 4:15).  May we rest not chase after fleeting approval and rest in the approval Jesus so freely offers.

  • The Work of His Hands

    Just a few days ago, I was discussing a certain movie with my son. At twelve, he is almost ready to see lots of movies he hasn’t watched before due to their content. As a mother, I am hesitant, however, to let him see some PG-13 movies due to content I feel like could harm him. In this conversation, he let me know that soon he could see one movie that is about a favorite band of his-he loves classic rock. I told him that , while I understood WHY he wants to see it, some of the content might be “disturbing” to him. His response? “Mom. Middle school is disturbing.” He got me there. We are a public school family. I teach in public school, and my kids go to public school. And yes, there are things kids say and do in public school that are at times, disturbing, to me or my kids, but, at the same time, I am amazed every day at the beauty of God’s creation present there.

    Recently, I had to answer a series of questions as a team-building activity at a work conference. One of the questions was, “What do you value?” My immediate response was, “I value people”. I got a few odd looks from my colleagues when I answered, but my answer made perfect sense to me. After over 20 years in education, I have met so many remarkable people. Sure, I have seen a lot of difficult, even heartbreaking situations; after all, we live in a broken world filled with sin and pain. But I cannot begin to describe the beauty I have witnessed. Whether it be the unprecedented ability to overcome some of life’s worst obstacles, the willingness to give the shirt off of their own back when they don’t have another one to wear, the refusal to judge another-even for the most heinous acts, or the actions of a believer from another race or creed that show the love of Christ in a dark world, I will forever be changed by the beauty I see in God’s creation demonstrated in the schools I work in. So, yes, I know that to be “in and not of” the world means witnessing some “disturbing” things, but I pray that my children will see with God’s eyes the beauty around them, and truly “value” others the ways Jesus does.